Afraid New World (Part 14)
JC stood very still and stared at the door in front of him as if fascinated by it. Anyone walking by
would have wondered what was so special about it. After all, it was just an ordinary door, made
of dark, sturdy wood with a worn brass knob. Nothing special. But it wasn’t really an ordinary door, not by a long shot. Because just beyond the wooden barrier
was one of his best friends in the world. Behind that barrier was Lance, who he hadn’t seen in almost a year. The demon that had escorted him here gave him an unnerving knowing look and said, “The
Emperor expects you back by nightfall. Can you find your way back alone?” JC nodded his assent, then he realized that a vocal affirmation was expected. He swallowed hard
and said, “Yes sir.” Satisfied with JC’s answer, the demon walked away without another word, leaving JC to stand
and stare at that door. He had wanted this so badly. After his visit with Justin, JC knew that he had to see Lance. He
was the only one of the group left that he could see, with Chris dead and Joey turned into a
monster. So he had bided his time, and tried especially hard to please the Emperor. He was the
perfect little pet for him, giving the demon absolutely no reason to be anything but perfectly
pleased with him. Finally, after an agonizingly long two weeks, he worked up the courage to ask
if he could see Lance. He wasn’t quite sure what the Emperor would say. He remembered holding his breath, hoping,
praying that he would say yes, because otherwise he would have to sneak out to see his friend.
Because he was going to see him; no matter what. But the Emperor had said yes. And JC had felt
a relief so tremendous that he almost buckled under the weight of it. And now he was here, and Lance was only a few feet away, just on the other side of the door.
And yet he couldn’t make himself move. He took a deep breath and lifted his hand, forcing himself to act. It shook tremendously and for a
second he was afraid that he wouldn’t even be able to knock. He rapped at the door so gently
that he wasn’t even sure he had made any noise. He braced himself and tried again. This time the
sound of his fist against the wood seemed painfully loud and he winced. He lowered his hand
and waited, and a moment later a very familiar voice floated through the door. “Come in.” JC’s heart stopped at the sound of that voice. When it started beating again, a mere second later,
it beat so fast it felt it would burst right out of his chest. That had been Lance’s voice he had heard; deep and yet somehow soft, with a drawl that JC
hadn’t heard from him since their very earliest days together. He took a deep breath and lowered his hand until it rested on the doorknob, slowly turning and
pushing until the door finally opened. It took only a few seconds for his eyes to scan the entirety of the small, unfamiliar room and find
the person he was looking for. Lance was sitting on a bed, his upper body resting against a pillow that was propped up against
the wall. His hands were in his lap and his eyes were closed. He looked asleep. JC would have
thought so if he hadn’t heard him speak just a moment before. He stepped inside the room
hesitantly and closed the door behind him. It shut with a soft click. Lance slowly opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling. His brow crinkled slightly and he
asked, “Who’s there?” JC started to speak but found that his mouth was too dry to form words. He licked his lips and
tried again. “Lance...” he said softly. Lance sat up and looked around in confusion. That voice had sounded so familiar. And it was by
no means a demon’s voice. “Yes?” he asked. When he was met with silence, he asked, “Who are
you?” JC faltered, wondering why his friend wasn’t recognizing him. Was there something wrong with
him? Justin had been so vague when he had mentioned him... Finally he said, “Lance, it’s...it’s
me.” Lance’s eyes opened wide, his face showing pure astonishment and wonder. “JC?” That was all it took; just hearing Lance say his name was all he needed to break the paralysis
that had overtaken him. With a strangled sob, JC launched himself at his friend, throwing
himself on the bed and wrapping his arms around his body tightly. Lance didn’t return the hug and JC again wondered what was wrong. Was Lance not happy to
see him? “JC?” Lance asked again, his voice a mixture of hope and uncertainty. JC didn’t let go. He nodded vigorously and said, “Yeah, it’s me.” This time Lance gasped and threw his arms around the other man, gripping him so tightly that JC
was sure he would snap in two. They stayed that way for a long time, the only sound in the room
that of their breathing, until they finally reluctantly broke apart. Lance found his voice first. “How can this be? What are you doing here?” he asked. JC was about to answer when he noticed that Lance’s eyes weren’t really focusing on anything.
They seemed to be gazing at a point somewhere past his shoulder, then they moved a bit, up a
little higher, then a little lower, and all the while never focusing exactly on him. Suddenly, Justin’s words came back to him with astounding force. He won’t be seeing you either. The words made terrible sense now. JC muttered, “You’re blind.” It was not a question. Lance answered anyway. Nodding sadly he said, “Yes.” “How? How did this happen?” JC asked. Lance sighed and dropped his eyes. “It’s a long story, JC.” “I’ve got time.” A ghost of a smile appeared on Lance’s face. “Funny, so do I. But I need to do something first,
before we talk about this.” “What?” Lance blushed a little, looking embarrassed. “It’s stupid but...can I touch your face?” JC laughed nervously. “You want to what?” “I know, it’s the worst cliche ever but...it’s the only way I can see you,” Lance said. JC instantly sobered and nodded. When he realized that Lance couldn’t see his gesture, he
quickly said “yes” in a soft voice. Lance nodded, then reached tentatively forward with his hands. JC noticed that they were
shaking just the tiniest bit. He raised his own hands and clasped Lance’s gently, then he brought
them to the sides of his face. He dropped his own hands and waited breathlessly. Lance smiled and closed his eyes. His hands began to dance lightly across the surface of JC’s
face. Like fluttering butterflies against his skin, no touch lasted for more than a few seconds.
With an almost careful reverence Lance’s fingers touched his forehead, his closed eyes, his
cheeks and his lips. Finally, the touches stopped and Lance dropped his hands to his lap. JC
opened his eyes slowly and waited. “You look great JC,” Lance said. JC laughed; he couldn’t help it. It was a little too surreal. He felt momentarily guilty, but then he
realized that Lance was laughing right along with him. “I’ve missed you,” JC said at last. “I’ve missed you too. I can’t even begin to tell you.” JC smiled and dipped his head down. When he lifted it back up, his eyes were sad, the smile all
but erased. “Tell me what happened. How did you lose your sight?” Lance took a deep breath and let it out slowly, as if bracing himself for something painful. Then
he began to tell his story. As JC listened to the unfolding tale, he felt shock and sadness reverberate throughout his entire
body. To learn that his friend had been through so much...It wasn’t enough that he had been
turned into a pretty plaything for these monsters, but they had stolen his sight as well; crippling
him forever. “Does it still hurt?” he asked tentatively sometime after Lance had fallen silent. “A little. It doesn’t hurt now,” Lance answered. “How long? How long ago did this happen?” Lance shrugged and JC was surprised to see such elegance in that little gesture. “I don’t know. A
few months, maybe? Time doesn’t mean what it used to anymore.” JC was about to respond with some sort of agreement, but the words caught in his throat and he
ended up issuing a strangled little sob. “Hey stop...it’s not that bad,” Lance said as he leaned forward and placed a hand on JC’s leg.
“Honestly, it’s not. Being blind keeps me from seeing who I’m sleeping with - that’s a huge
blessing. And anyway,” he said as his tone dropped down to a conspiratorial whisper. “I can still
see...in a way. I close my eyes and in my mind I can see how things looked when the world was
right. I can see mom and dad. My sister. And all of you guys. Us... ” JC wiped away the tears that fell silently down his face. “How can you be so accepting, Lance?
How do you do it?” Instead of answering, Lance asked, “How do you deal?” JC stopped, confused by the question. “I...I just do.” Lance nodded sagely. “You deal with it because you have to. Because it’s either deal or go crazy
or lay down and die. That’s all I’m doing Jace. There’s no magic, nothing special here.” JC smiled despite the tears and placed his hand on Lance’s cheek. He was gratified to see Lance
lean into the touch. “Magic no, special yes.” JC dropped his hand and cleared his throat. He had debated about bringing the others up at all,
but he wanted to know what, if anything, Lance knew about them. “Lance, did you hear about
Chris?” Lance’s eyes grew hard. “Yeah, I heard.” His voice held almost no inflection. “I just can’t believe that he’s dead, Lance. I guess I was hoping that it was all just a fucked up
mistake. ” Lance’s voice softened slightly. “He’s in a better place, Jace. He really is.” JC shook his head. How could everyone be so accepting of Chris’ death? “You sound like
Justin.” Suddenly the hand that had lain passively on JC’s leg tightened. “You’ve talked to Justin?”
Lance asked. “Yeah, not too long ago. The Emperor had some business in Medea and he took me with him.
That’s when I saw him.” Lance nodded. “How is he?” he asked. “He’s changed, Lance. He’s not the same person,” JC answered sadly. “Are any of us, JC?” JC looked into clear green eyes, eyes that could not see him, would never see anything again,
and sighed. “No, I guess not.” “Tell me about Justin,” Lance said. JC thought for a minute, wondered how to put it into words; the thing that had changed his
friend. He soon realized that he wouldn’t be able to soften the words, no matter how he said
them. “Joey raped him,” he finally said bluntly. The expression on Lance’s face would have been comical had it been other circumstances. His
eyes grew impossibly wide, his mouth opened and shut several times, like a fish gasping for air.
“What?” he finally asked. JC nodded his head, then remembered that Lance couldn’t see the gesture. He blushed and said,
“He raped him, Lance.” A tense silence filled the room. JC could see that Lance was struggling with what he had just
been told. Finally Lance broke the silence by gravely saying, “Tell me.” So JC did. He told Lance what he knew. What Justin had deigned to share with him, anyway.
And that’s when tears began to fall from Lance’s unseeing eyes. They ended up talking for several hours, much like he and Justin had done, except that there was
no bitterness from Lance. There was sadness, yes, but with Lance there was also acceptance.
And with acceptance came a sort of peace. JC envied him that peace. He wished he could find some for himself. Before he left for his own chambers, JC promised Lance that he would see him again as soon as
possible. Now that he’d found his friend again - and he had been so very close the entire time - he would
not lose him again.