Afraid New World (Part 7)
To any casual observer, it would have looked like the young man that sat beside the open window was staring up at the moon, fascinated by its beauty. But in truth, JC was only peripherally aware that the moon shone above him. He was actually buried deep in his own thoughts, his mind furiously searching for a way to turn his many emotions into words and melody.
Yet no matter how hard he tried, the emotions would not gel, they would not take form. JC sighed in frustration and closed the worn notebook in his hands, looking down at it as he did so. He had only had it for a couple of months, but it looked like he had owned it for a couple of decades. Brand-new when he had gotten it, he used it whenever he had a free moment, and it was now worn and tattered almost beyond repair.
Yet in this new, frightening world, it had become his most prized possession. It was more precious to him than any of the cars or jewelry he had used to own.
He thought back to the day that the Emperor had given it to him. He remembered everything about it, for it was the day that he was allowed some small measure of happiness in his life again.
It was early morning and the sun’s rays were only beginning to pour over the horizon. The Emperor still slept at his side, but he himself could not. He got out of bed and wandered over to a chair by the window, sitting down on it with practiced quiet.
As he sat and watched the sun rise, he began to sing quietly to himself. It was a song that had been taking form in his head – it really wasn’t all that good, but it was soft and sweet – and it was his. He was singing it for the second time when he was surprised to hear a muffled sound behind him. He turned around quickly to see that the Emperor was sitting up in bed and looking at him.
"I’m so sorry, Master. Did I wake you?" he asked quickly. His voice trembled with the fear that he had angered the demon.
The Emperor shook his head. "No. You did not. What were you singing Pet?" The Emperor had taken to calling him "pet" after only a few short days together. JC still wasn’t quite sure whether he should be insulted by the name or somehow flattered by it.
"Just a song I made up. It’s nothing Master," he answered.
The Emperor gave him a look that JC could not quite interpret and quietly said, "I had almost forgotten that you were a musician."
JC looked down; not knowing what to say, unsure what kind of response was expected. The Emperor said nothing else and the moment of silence lengthened until it grew uncomfortable and oppressive. JC lifted his head and cleared his throat, about to formulate some kind of reply when he noticed that the Emperor was staring at him with a familiar hunger in his eyes. JC stood up and wandered over to him and that was the end of all conversation for the rest of the morning.
Later that night, after their almost nightly ritual of having sex was completed, the Emperor stood and walked over to one of the few pieces of human-made furniture left in the room. He opened one of the dresser drawers and pulled something out of it.
JC watched his movements with undisguised curiosity. This was new. He watched as the Emperor walked back to the bed and dropped something next to him. It landed without a sound and JC looked down at it.
"What is this?" he asked as he picked up the notebook. He was so surprised to see it that he had forgotten to say "Master", much less keep a tone of respect in his voice.
The demon did not seem to mind. He sat down next to him and said, "It’s for you. A place to write down your music. I enjoy your songs. I enjoy your voice. I have heard you singing before and it pleases me. I want you to use this to help you create your songs and then I want you to sing them for me."
JC looked down at the notebook in wonder, thinking it the most astonishing thing he had ever seen. Then he looked up into the demon’s eyes. They were watching him intently, as if searching for his reaction.
This time when JC’s voice shook, it was not from fear. It was from a rush of emotion that threatened to overwhelm him and bring tears to his eyes. "Thank you. Thank you so much. This is…this is…thank you Master," he stammered.
And then he hugged the notebook to his chest as if he would never let go.
And now, many weeks later, he had used it so often that it was almost full and the pages were starting to fall apart. He wondered what would happen when he finally filled up all the pages. Would the Emperor give him a new one? He could only pray that he would.
He honestly felt that this one small thing – just sheets of paper held together by wire – was the one thing that had saved his sanity. It kept him from thinking too much about the fact that his body was merely a plaything for the Emperor, or that the powerful demon was the only being that he ever got to speak to. It allowed him, at least briefly, to forget how truly lonely he was or how bleak his life had become.
He let a bitter chuckle escape his throat, finding it oddly funny that as important as music had always been to him, it had never meant more to him than it did now. Nor had he ever written anything better than the pieces he had written in the past few months.
He didn’t even mind that he had to sing everything he wrote for the Emperor. In an odd way that he hadn’t given much thought to – it was nice to have an audience again.
His thoughts continued in this manner for awhile, and he became so lost in them that he didn’t even hear the door open or the Emperor walk in.
Only when the door was closed again did he realize that he was no longer alone in the room.
He looked up quickly to see that the Emperor was walking towards him. He threw the notebook aside and promptly fell to his knees on the floor. He could feel his body shaking in fear.
He had just broken one of the Emperor’s main rules. Punishment was almost a certainty. Perhaps…perhaps if he begged…
"I’m so sorry Master. Please forgive me. I didn’t hear you. I’m so sorry..."
He grew silent when he felt a light touch upon his head.
"Hush Pet. Stand up and get in bed."
JC looked up, not quite sure what was happening. The Emperor had not seemed angry at all. He quickly did as he was told and scrambled onto the bed, undressing as he did so.
The Emperor didn’t even seem to notice him as he walked into the adjoining bathroom, his steps echoing loudly against the silence in the air. JC watched him go, then turned around and nervously began to play with the edge of the blanket while he waited. The demon had not immediately lashed out at him. Could he be so lucky as to not be punished?
No, that couldn’t be it. There was no such thing as luck for him. Not anymore. He continued to worry at the blanket, knowing that if it had been paper it would have been shredded by now.
By the time the Emperor finally came out of the other room, JC’s apprehension had turned into something akin to terror. It seemed to be gripping at his insides, making it hard for him to breathe, making it hard for him to think.
He didn’t even dare look at the demon as he approached. Not even when he felt the bed dip, indicating that the Emperor had lain down, did he look up.
"Come here," the Emperor said as he grabbed one of JC’s wrists and pulled him close.
To JC’s surprise, he soon felt the Emperor’s claws around his body, one holding him tightly around the waist, the other softly stroking the back of his neck. JC looked up into the demon’s dark eyes. Again, he saw no anger.
He felt the terror begin to slip away. For whatever reason, the Emperor was in one of his kind moods.
The demon began to speak. "There will be a great feast in two days time. Many important members of the Empire will be attending…"
JC nodded his head to indicate that he was listening.
"And I would like for you to be there. I want to show you off. How would you like that, Pet?"
JC could barely believe what he had just heard. The Emperor was telling him that he was going to be allowed out of these rooms. He was telling him that he was going to be around other beings, even if they were all demons.
God, could this be? The Emperor was actually giving him a small taste of freedom?
"That sounds wonderful Master. I would love to be there," he said enthusiastically.
"I thought as much. We can discuss my expectations for you at the feast later," the Emperor said, apparently pleased with his answer. "For now…kiss me."
JC almost rolled his eyes at the words. He knew what they meant. They meant, "Kiss me and then let me fuck you." But JC didn’t really mind the order. He was quickly learning how to distance himself mentally from what was physically happening to his body at times like this. And now that the Emperor had given him such a positive thing to think about, he knew that he would barely even feel the demon’s caresses.
So JC allowed his mind to wander, then leaned in and did what he was becoming so good at.
He kissed his master.