Journey of a Thousand Miles (Part 9)
Justin’s eyes grew wide at the sound of his name. For a moment he was certain that he had imagined it, after all, how could Joshua know his name? And yet he knew he hadn’t. "How did you…?" he began to ask but stopped when he noticed that the look of wonder in Joshua’s eyes was transforming into a look of pure terror.
"Hey, it’s ok. I’m not going to hurt you," he said quietly as he wondered why Joshua was suddenly so afraid of him again.
Joshua shook his head wildly, his mouth opening as if he meant to speak, yet he made no sound.
"It’s all right Joshua. You’re safe now. You’re going to be…" Justin’s soft-spoken words trailed off into silence when he realized that Joshua’s eyes weren’t focused on him; that instead they were focused on something behind him.
He didn’t even get the chance to turn around before he felt a hand grab his hair and pull back roughly. He cried out at the sudden pain and, unable to keep his balance, fell backwards. As he fell, he lost his hold on Joshua and he felt, rather than saw, the other man drop to the ground.
Justin tried to get up but the hand in his hair was pulling; no – yanking – again and he yelled out in pain as he was partially dragged across the floor.
As he struggled to get up, an angry voice hissed into his ear, "You really think you can come in here and fuck everything up? Ruin everything I’ve worked for? Well fuck you!"
Justin was about to tell the man to go to hell but just then he felt something slam into his mid-section and he was forced to double over, his breath having been stolen from his lungs.
‘Damn, this guy’s stronger than he looks,’ he thought as he fought to control the pain. He wasn’t even aware that he was being pushed onto his back or that the man was climbing on top of him until the man’s face loomed over his; a face full of rage and malevolence.
As Justin looked up into the madman’s dark eyes, he wondered how the fuck the tables had turned so quickly. How he had become the one that was on his back with the man straddling him. Before he could move, a vicious punch to the side of his face left him hurting and stunned. His mouth immediately filled with the coppery taste of his own blood and he grimaced as he was forced to swallow it. A moment later, he felt cold hands wrap themselves around his neck and begin to squeeze.
He made a small sound of pain as the hands brutally pressed down on his windpipe. He brought his own hands up to try to pry them off, but they would not budge. If anything they felt as if they were tightening around him; digging into his skin. Justin began to feel fear then; icy cold fear as his body arched up, unconsciously trying to get life saving air.
Dark spots appeared before his eyes; spots that soon grew larger and threatened to overtake his vision. At the same time, both his head and his limbs began to grow heavy and he found that he could hold neither up any more. His head fell back heavily against the concrete floor but he didn’t feel the pain. He didn’t feel much of anything.
He realized sadly that he was dying. And yet the sadness that he felt wasn’t for himself, it was for Joshua who would be left alone with this madman after he was gone.
‘I’m sorry Joshua. I’m so sorry…I tried," he thought hazily. He wanted to close his eyes, but the pressure building inside his head wouldn’t allow for it, so he bitterly accepted the fact that the ceiling of this basement was the last thing he would ever see.
Suddenly he felt the hands around his throat slowly dropping away. At first his body did not react at all, then it began to take in great gulps of air. Every breath caused his throat to burn in agony, but he couldn’t control it, his body was literally starving for oxygen. He brought a hand to his throat and coughed harshly as he moved to turn over. A heavy weight on his chest prevented him from moving, so he pushed at it with arms that felt as weak as a newborn’s. He felt the weight lift and he turned onto his side, curling up into a tight ball. He stayed there until his vision cleared, then he pushed himself up on his elbow and looked around wildly as he tried to figure out what the hell had just happened and why he was still alive.
The first thing that met his searching eyes was the blood.
The deep crimson flow seemed to be everywhere. It was on him; it covered the floor all around him and it was quickly pooling under the body that lay face-up next to him.
His mind quickly registered that the body was not Joshua’s, that it was the other man’s, the one who had attacked them both. But if the man was lying here, then where was Joshua?
Justin carefully placed his fingertips against the man’s neck and felt for a pulse. There was none. The man was dead. Justin jerked his hand back, suddenly feeling like he had touched something poisonous and vile. He then looked around, his eyes narrowing as he sought out Joshua’s frail figure.
It didn’t take long to find him. He was sitting against the far wall, his knees drawn up high against his chest. His head was bowed and his bound arms were in front of him. In his hands, he held a bloody knife.
Justin crawled over to where he sat, then kneeled in front of him. It was then that he heard Joshua’s muted sobbing. He gently placed his hands on Joshua’s wrists. "Let go of the knife baby," he said in a voice so distorted that it sounded foreign to his own ears. He winced as his throat exploded with dull pain from the effort it took to say those few words.
Joshua gave a minute shake of his head.
Justin forced himself to ignore the pain and continued. "Yeah baby, give me the knife. It’s ok. He’s dead now. He can’t hurt you anymore."
Joshua slowly lifted his head to look at Justin. "Dead?" he asked in a small, child-like voice.
Justin nodded and gave a weak smile. "He’s dead. You killed him Joshua. You did it."
"He’s dead," Joshua said again, and this time it sounded like he was trying to convince himself that it was true.
"He’s not going to hurt you anymore. So give me the knife ok? And then we’ll get out of here."
"You promise?"
"I promise," Justin said as confidently as he could.
Joshua exhaled slowly and said, "Ok," in a whisper-soft voice.
Justin took the knife by the handle and pulled it out of Joshua’s hands, then tossed it across the room. He untied the rope around his wrists as quickly as he could, all the while whispering what he hoped were comforting words. He looked up after he had discarded the rope only to find that Joshua no longer appeared to be conscious.
Frightened, he felt for Joshua’s pulse. He almost wept with relief when he found it. Instead he put his arms around the unconscious man and held him as tightly as he dared.
His mind whirled with the enormity of everything that had just happened and everything that would happen. So much, too fast. And yet despite the almost dizzying speed at which his mind was racing, one thought stood out in his mind.
He had found him.
He had found his Joshua.
And that was the only thought that mattered.
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Justin walked into the now-familiar hospital room and sat down heavily in the plastic chair beside the bed. He looked down at the still figure in the bed and sighed. It had now been eight hours since he had called 911 and they had pulled Joshua out of that hellhole – four hours since Joshua had gotten out of surgery to repair the internal damage caused by the man’s beatings – and he still had not regained consciousness.
The doctors had told Justin that this was to be expected, that Joshua’s body needed the rest to begin to heal, but it still worried him. He gently clasped Joshua’s hand, the one without the iv sticking out of it, and rubbed slow circles against the back of it.
"Sorry I was gone so long baby," he began in a quiet voice. "The police wanted to talk to me again. They keep asking me the same questions. I don’t think they believe me when I tell them how I found you, but I’m not worried about it. I know what the truth is. Anyway, I got back as quick as I could, hoping that you hadn’t woken up alone. Nurses told me that you slept the whole time though."
Justin felt the start of tears and he hastily wiped them away before they could fall. His voice was thick with emotion when he spoke again.
"I’ve been talking to the doctors. I can tell they don’t want to talk to me, but since you have no family, they tell me things. They say that you’re going to be ok. That you’re going to have to stay here for awhile, but that you’re going to be ok. They ummm…they were able to save your kidney. And there’s no permanent damage from anything that he did to you."
Justin paused for a moment. "Well, there are going to be some scars – from the burns and the…other things he did to you, but…But you’re still going to be ok."
Another pause as Justin tried to reign in his emotions. "Anyway, I ummm…I talked to Lance earlier. You wouldn’t believe how shocked he is by everything that’s happened. I think he about fell on the floor when I called and told him." Justin smiled ruefully at the recent memory. "He wants to come by later. When you’re a little stronger. Maybe tomorrow or something. You’re going to like him. He’s a really great guy. My best friend actually."
Justin stopped speaking and looked down at the hand that he held in his. He sighed. "I know that you need your rest Joshua, but, God, it would be so nice to see you open your eyes right about now. Just to know that you’re really ok, you know?"
His gaze shifted to Joshua’s face, so peaceful in sleep, as if he didn’t have a care in the world. He traced his fingertips along the man’s cheek, then down to his jawline, taking care not to touch the deep bruises or the cuts that marred his face. "I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that I’m being selfish and that I should just let you sleep. And you’re right, I am being selfish. I just…I just want so badly to see those blue eyes of yours Joshua."
This time when he felt the tears starting, he didn’t fight them. He let them come. He let them fall. He dropped his head and cried in a way that he hadn’t done in a long time. Not since he was a child – unabashed and unashamed.
He cried like that for a few minutes, and was actually starting to think that he would never stop crying, when he felt Joshua’s hand move.
It was just a tiny little twitch, almost small enough that one would think it was merely imagination, but Justin knew better. He instantly wiped his tears with his free hand and looked up.
Joshua’s eyes were opening.
Justin held his breath as he watched him awaken. Groaning softly, Joshua turned his head toward Justin as his eyes fully opened. The blue eyes were slightly unfocused, an effect of the medication he had been given. It only took them a moment, however, to grow dark with fear. Joshua gasped loudly and pushed his body backwards, as if he were trying to make himself disappear into the bed.
Justin leaned forward immediately. "Hey, it’s ok. It’s all right. You’re safe."
Joshua’s body relaxed slightly at the sound of Justin’s voice. He looked around in confusion. "Where?"
"You’re in the hospital. You’re safe now," Justin said soothingly.
Joshua’s body relaxed almost completely now, but his eyes still held fear. He looked pointedly at Justin. "Where is he?"
"He’s dead. He can’t hurt you anymore."
Joshua’s eyes widened at the sudden onslaught of memory – of grabbing the knife and repeatedly plunging it into the man’s back. "I killed him," he said with a touch of wonderment in his voice.
Justin nodded. "Yes you did."
"He was hurting you," Joshua said.
"You saved my life," Justin said with a smile.
Joshua gave a little shake of his head. "You saved mine first."
Justin looked down, blushing. When he looked back up, he saw that Joshua was staring at him quizzically.
"Is this a dream?" Joshua asked him.
"No. This is all real. I promise."
"But you always come to me in my dreams. How can you be real?" Joshua asked.
Justin looked confused. "What do you mean?"
Without any warning, Joshua’s eyes filled with tears. "I dreamed about you. Every night. Every night I was in that fucking basement. You were in my dreams and you’d tell me that you were coming and that I had to be strong. I tried to be strong but it was so hard Justin. It was so hard."
At this point Joshua pulled his hand out of Justin’s grip and, covering his face with both hands, began to sob violently. For Justin it was like watching a dam break open and seeing the raging floodwaters pour out. Whatever Joshua had been using to keep his emotions under control was gone now and what was left was raw anger, fear and hurt.
Justin rose from his chair and sat down on the edge of the bed. He wasn’t quite sure if he should be touching Joshua right now, but he didn’t know how else to help. He hesitantly leaned down and wrapped his arms around the other man as best he could. "It’s ok now," he said. He was relieved when Joshua took his hands away from his face and clutched at him.
"The things he did…to me…" Joshua said brokenly.
"I know…I know…"
"Tried to be strong for you Justin."
"Shh…you were. You were. I’m just sorry that I didn’t get there sooner. I’m so sorry." When Joshua didn’t reply, Justin continued. "You were in my dreams too, Joshua. You were in my dreams and you were asking me to help you, but I didn’t understand. Not at first. And by the time I did…" Justin shook his head. "If I had only come sooner. If I had only started sooner."
Justin felt Joshua shake his head. "You came," he managed to say before sobs overtook him once again.
Justin held him while he cried out all his pain. He held him as his body trembled and the tears rained down his face and only when the violent sobs turned into small hitching breaths did he finally pull away. He looked down and felt an immense pang of guilt. Joshua’s eyes were red and puffy from crying and his face clearly showed how exhausted he was. He should never have urged him to wake up. He had been selfish. "You should sleep. You look tired," he said as he tenderly wiped away the tears that were beginning to dry on Joshua’s cheeks.
Joshua nodded, already feeling the undeniable pull of sleep, yet forcing his eyes to stay open. "Will you stay with me? I don’t want to be alone," he asked timidly.
"Of course I will. I’ll stay as long as you want me here," Justin answered with a smile.
Relief washed over Joshua like a gentle wave. He knew he would be safe as long as Justin was near. "Thank you," he whispered as he finally allowed his eyes to close.
Justin watched as sleep quickly overtook Joshua, bringing to his face the look of peace he had earlier. He silently moved his body from the bed back to the chair and again reached forward to hold Joshua’s hand in his.
He shifted until he found a comfortable position and closed his own tired eyes, as he too surrendered to sleep.
Journey, Part 10 (Final Chapter)